1
00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:06,006
"It seems today that all you see

2
00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:09,259
"is violence in movies and sex on TV

3
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:12,846
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values

4
00:00:12,888 --> 00:00:16,016
"on which we used to rely?

5
00:00:16,099 --> 00:00:19,019
"Lucky there's a family guy

6
00:00:19,311 --> 00:00:22,773
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you

7
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:24,483
"all the things that make us

8
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:25,984
"laugh 'n' cry

9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:31,114
"He's a family guy"

10
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:38,163
Everything's all set
for Stewie's birthday party.

11
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,457
I can't believe he's almost a year old.

12
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,793
Yeah. I'll never forget the day he was born.

13
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,087
One more push, Lois.

14
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:48,966
This is a miracle, Mr. Griffin.
Would you like to see?

15
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:52,052
Yeah, I've never actually seen
a baby being... Oh, God!

16
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,805
Congratulations. It's a boy.

17
00:00:54,847 --> 00:00:57,349
Wait a minute.
I don't think we're through.

18
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,184
Oh, my God! Is it twins?

19
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,728
No. It's a map of Europe.

20
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:07,025
I confirmed everything
with the birthday party planner...

21
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,151
...at Cheesie Charlie's.

22
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,779
- Why Cheesie Charlie's?
- It's cool, Dad.

23
00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:14,992
They have this game where you put in
a dollar and you win four quarters!

24
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,452
I win every time! I get to go, right?

25
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:20,205
Why can't we have
the same kind of party we always do?

26
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,791
Peter, this could be
our last first birthday ever.

27
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:27,004
When Meg and Chris turned one,
I had so much to do, I missed everything.

28
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:38,432
Lois, you won't believe this!
Meg just said "Da-Da!"

29
00:01:38,473 --> 00:01:39,683
Her first words?

30
00:01:39,725 --> 00:01:42,227
Then she stood up by herself
and started walking!

31
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,479
- Her first steps?
- Yeah.

32
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,732
What the hell are you doing
in here anyway?

33
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,945
All right! Her first drum solo.

34
00:01:53,322 --> 00:01:54,781
Thanks to Cheesie Charlie...

35
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:57,409
...I'm not gonna miss a moment
of Stewie's party.

36
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:01,705
I say, am I to spend the entire day
wallowing around in my own feces?

37
00:02:01,747 --> 00:02:02,956
A little service here!

38
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,751
Hey, Stinky.
Have we got some big plans for you.

39
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:08,420
Plans? What the devil
are you talking about?

40
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,088
It's your birthday, dude.

41
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,382
Saturday's gonna be real special, honey.

42
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:15,761
I've hired a professional
to make sure everything goes just right.

43
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,639
A professional? There's treachery afoot!

44
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,064
Meg, you're home late.

45
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:30,234
I stayed after school
to try out for cheerleading.

46
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,820
Don't keep me in suspense.
How'd you do?

47
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,280
I'll give you a hint.

48
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,575
I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked!

49
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:39,576
Yay!

50
00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:41,787
I mean, sorry, honey.

51
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:45,165
God, I hate high school.
I don't fit in with anyone.

52
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:46,792
Boy. Do I know that feeling.

53
00:02:53,048 --> 00:02:55,634
Okay, man. Okay.
You are really throwing me off.

54
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,803
It's step-kick, step-twirl. Got it?

55
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,556
I thought we were gonna rumble
with those greasy Sharks.

56
00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:04,101
Not without seven years of ballet
and two of jazz tap, we're not.

57
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,604
From the top, people!
Why don't you just hang back and stretch?

58
00:03:08,230 --> 00:03:09,273
I don't get it.

59
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,150
The more I try to make friends,
the more people hate me.

60
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,987
Listen. You're a one-of-a-kind girl
with a mind of her own.

61
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,197
- Now, see, that's what people hate.
- Really?

62
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:21,076
I'm telling you, just be the girl
you think everyone else wants you to be.

63
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,911
Wow, it's so obvious.

64
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,997
Thanks, Daddy.

65
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:26,582
Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom.

66
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,877
I haven't seen Meg this happy
since that bus broke down...

67
00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,295
...in front of our house.

68
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,675
Hi. Can we use your phone?

69
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,011
Holy crap! It's The Children of the Corn!

70
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:45,017
- Meg and I had a little father-daughter talk.
- It seems to have worked.

71
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,978
I wasn't just blowing smoke
when I bought this T-shirt.

72
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:50,189
Well, you're the number-one husband, too.

73
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,316
I know. That's why I bought this T-shirt.

74
00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,904
"Dear Diary...

75
00:03:56,945 --> 00:04:00,073
"It seems the domestic overseers
are plotting against me.

76
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:03,869
"Their plans somehow relate to the
anniversary of my escape from the womb.

77
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:07,164
"I'm still haunted by the memories
of how I was incarcerated...

78
00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:08,916
"... in that amniotic Attica.

79
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,962
"As I recall,
it was every potential man for himself.

80
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:37,903
"I alone had reached the target objective,
thanks to the intrepidity...

81
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:41,698
"... I developed at testicular boot camp.
But it was a trap!

82
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:45,869
"I was imprisoned in that uterine gulag
for nine grueling months. "

83
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:50,624
Day 171. I've sprouted another finger,
counting the one from yesterday.

84
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,167
I'm up to 11.

85
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:56,213
"As the months of solitude passed,
I began to go insane.

86
00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:59,174
"It seemed my prison cell
was getting smaller and smaller.

87
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,301
"I was quite sure that soon
I would be dead.

88
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,596
"But then, a miracle!
There was a light at the end of the tunnel.

89
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:08,809
"I rushed to freedom, but suddenly I was
ambushed by a mysterious man in white!"

90
00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,353
The man in white. Of course.

91
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,147
He must be the hired professional
of whom they spoke.

92
00:05:14,273 --> 00:05:16,900
He failed to thwart my escape
into the outside world.

93
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:21,029
And now, one year hence,
he's returning to rectify his mistake and...

94
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,615
...put me back in the womb!

95
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:31,582
Boy, it sure is great being thin and popular.

96
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:32,708
Let's throw up.

97
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,042
Sure!
Good idea!

98
00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:35,377
I love throwing up.

99
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,593
Hi. I'm Jennifer.

100
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:43,886
I'm Meg.

101
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:46,847
My God. Your hair is so beautiful.
I just want to brush it.

102
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:48,307
Really?

103
00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,350
You want to go throw up?

104
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,399
Hey, Dad, let's go whack some moles!

105
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,943
Now, Chris, we're not here for fun.

106
00:06:02,446 --> 00:06:05,240
Now your mom is counting on us
to drop off the deposit.

107
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:10,120
So let's just deliver the check and...

108
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,831
Hong Kong Phooey!

109
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:21,298
Yeah! Come on! Go, yeah! Eat my dust!

110
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:25,219
Come on, move it! Oh, man!
Chris, this place is great.

111
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,221
Pull over, you bastard!

112
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,308
Man.

113
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:39,316
Hey, Dad, they even got games
in the bathroom. Look, I won a balloon!

114
00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,318
Yeah, way to go, Chris.

115
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,694
Where's my watch?

116
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:46,698
All right. I won a watch.
What's The Dukes of Hazzard?

117
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:49,576
That's mine. Come on.
Come on, give that back!

118
00:06:49,618 --> 00:06:50,494
- Give it!
- Come on!

119
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:54,832
Folks in Hazzard County
hadn't seen a watch fight in a long time.

120
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:59,461
Them boys rassled for a full five minutes
before the manager stepped in.

121
00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:00,295
Come on!

122
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,588
Hands off, fatty!

123
00:07:02,548 --> 00:07:04,842
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.

124
00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:06,218
I'm a paying customer.

125
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,971
I got a deposit check
for my kid's party right here.

126
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:12,099
Mr. Griffin. I am terribly sorry.

127
00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,726
We're really looking forward
to Stewie's special day.

128
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,688
Now I don't know,
after the emotional trauma I've endured...

129
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,649
...on your premises,
I think I deserve a little discount.

130
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:23,235
Sir, our prices are set
by the corporate office.

131
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:25,696
Then maybe I'll just take
my business elsewhere.

132
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,781
Good luck filling our spot by this Saturday.

133
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:29,366
I got cash!
I'll take it!

134
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:30,450
Suit yourself.

135
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:34,580
Wait. I was just bluffing.
My wife has her heart set on this place.

136
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:41,587
Chris, this is a big day for you.
The day you become the man of the house.

137
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:44,923
Because when we get home,
your mother is going to kill me.

138
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:52,139
So the man in white is coming
to put me back in the womb, is he?

139
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:55,142
If I'm to defeat him,
I shall require professional forces.

140
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:59,855
Here we are. "Come to Managua,
the Mecca of mercenaries. "

141
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,481
I must prepare for my journey.

142
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,944
Let's see.
Grenades, mace, baggy full of Cheerios...

143
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:13,619
- So, are we all set at Cheesie Charlie's?
- Actually, I canceled the reservation.

144
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,578
What?

145
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:18,332
- How could you?
- Lois, I got a very good reason.

146
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:19,791
Wait a second.

147
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,960
These are always classic.

148
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:26,298
Lois, that Cheesie Charlie's is no good.
See, it happened like this.

149
00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:43,232
Welcome to Cheesie Charlie's. Heil, Hitler!

150
00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,983
Actually, the name's Griffin.

151
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:49,112
I was sent by my smart, beautiful,
and still sexually appealing wife, Lois.

152
00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:51,698
Yes.
We're all set for your little boy's party.

153
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,284
I understand we're getting
a terrific bargain here.

154
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:56,703
Absolutely.
The children get to play our games.

155
00:08:56,745 --> 00:08:59,081
And if they win enough tickets,
they get a prize.

156
00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:01,375
I have 13 tickets now. Is that enough?

157
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:04,545
Sorry, Timmy.
But you need 15 tickets to live.

158
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:09,049
They also get food, cake,
and your choice of ice-cream flavors...

159
00:09:09,132 --> 00:09:11,093
...vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, or people.

160
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,387
- What was that?
- Chocolate. Give me the check.

161
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:16,139
Hold it! Lois may have
had her heart set on this place...

162
00:09:16,181 --> 00:09:18,976
...but I love my family too much
to risk their lives.

163
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:21,728
- Come on, Chris. We're leaving.
- No, you're not!

164
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:28,986
Please don't make me angry, pal.
You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

165
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,658
All right, Peter. That's enough!

166
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:38,161
Bravo, Peter.
You are the Spalding Gray of crap.

167
00:09:38,328 --> 00:09:41,874
Do you know how hard it was
to get a reservation at Cheesie Charlie's?

168
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,293
I had to book it the day of my ultrasound.

169
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,920
We'll never find another place in time!

170
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,174
For once, it was all gonna be so perfect!

171
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:54,303
Come on, Lois. It'll still be perfect.
We'll give him the best birthday ever...

172
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,763
...right here in the safety and comfort
of our own home.

173
00:09:56,805 --> 00:10:00,350
- Peter, we've been over this.
- Honey, you won't have to lift a finger.

174
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:03,896
I got us a clown, a cake, a petting zoo,
a big-ass pi�ata, the works!

175
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,898
- You got all those things?
- You bet I did.

176
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:06,982
Wow.

177
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:10,110
Even Cheesie Charlie's doesn't have
a petting zoo.

178
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:13,363
Okay, I'll call the parents
and let them know the party's here.

179
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,908
- You don't have any of those things.
- How do you know?

180
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,701
Face it. You're a terrible liar.

181
00:10:23,207 --> 00:10:24,249
It was you.

182
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:26,793
Clowns and petting zoos
book months in advance.

183
00:10:26,835 --> 00:10:30,380
You're gonna have a tough time finding a...
Hold on.

184
00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,216
Ya! Ya!

185
00:10:37,930 --> 00:10:38,972
Some day.

186
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:45,103
Hey there, little boy. Are you lost?

187
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:47,523
Now, listen to me, Jolene.

188
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:50,192
I've got an army to raise,
and I must get to Nicaragua.

189
00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:54,154
I require a window seat and
an in-flight Happy Meal. And no pickles!

190
00:10:54,238 --> 00:10:58,116
- God help you if I find pickles.
- Henry, I have a lost little boy.

191
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,452
Hey there, little fella.
Why don't you come with me?

192
00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:02,704
Damn you!
You're one of them, aren't you?

193
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,581
What are they paying you? I'll double it!

194
00:11:04,623 --> 00:11:07,668
I'll give you whatever you want!
Money! Women! Men?

195
00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:11,713
Dad, what are we doing here again?

196
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:15,300
Pigs, Chris.
We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo.

197
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,394
Crafty swine.

198
00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:26,770
UPS.

199
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,439
Little bastards ain't as smart as...

200
00:11:31,817 --> 00:11:34,444
Hi, Mom. This is Jennifer.
She gave me a ride home.

201
00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,780
Meg, you made a friend.

202
00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:38,907
What a lovely house, Mrs. G.

203
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:42,077
Meg, you didn't tell me
your mother was just like Martha Stewart.

204
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:45,998
Oh, no. Once you get to know me,
I'm really very nice.

205
00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:49,793
You know what's nice?
Having a friend like Meg. And kittens.

206
00:11:50,127 --> 00:11:53,964
It was super swell meeting you.
Bye, Meg. Friends forever.

207
00:11:54,006 --> 00:11:55,632
Forever and ever.

208
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,970
Wow! What a great yard!

209
00:12:00,012 --> 00:12:03,307
Guess what, Mom?
Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday.

210
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,560
This Saturday?
Meg, you can't miss Stewie's first birthday.

211
00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:07,603
But Mom...

212
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,564
Meg, our entire family is
going to be here for Stewie's party.

213
00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:12,566
And that includes you. Understood?

214
00:12:12,608 --> 00:12:16,695
I can't believe you'd put your family
before your own daughter!

215
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,656
She's a whiny little runt, isn't she?

216
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:20,657
I said "runt. "

217
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,786
I don't think I'm in the right place.

218
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:27,873
I'm looking for a guy to entertain
the kids at my son's birthday.

219
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,583
Sure. I can do that.

220
00:12:29,625 --> 00:12:31,001
You do children's parties?

221
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:34,796
Yeah. I can do, like, a handstand,
and some somersaults maybe.

222
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:38,509
I can make pretend like
the children are little bugs in my web.

223
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,515
Do you know your phone number, son?

224
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:47,768
The only way you'll get me to talk
is through slow, painful torture.

225
00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:50,521
And I don't think you've got the grapes!

226
00:12:50,562 --> 00:12:53,690
It sounds like you don't want to go home.
Are you running away?

227
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:56,151
Stewart Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing!

228
00:12:56,235 --> 00:12:58,737
You know, son,
running away never solves anything.

229
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,280
You're getting to be a big boy now.

230
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,408
And part of growing up means
facing your problems head on.

231
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:07,788
The ruptured capillaries in your nose belie
the clarity of your wisdom.

232
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:12,125
You're saying I must return
to face this man in white myself. So be it.

233
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:16,380
As for you, kind sage, I only hope
my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm...

234
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,967
...as you spend the next 10 years
in frozen carbonite!

235
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,181
Peter, you've only got
a couple of hours left.

236
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:29,184
If you pull a party out of your ass,
you'll want to stand up.

237
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:32,145
My friend Jennifer invited me
to hang out with her friends.

238
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,188
Can I go?

239
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:35,732
I won't fall for this trick.
Did you ask your mother?

240
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:36,817
Yes.

241
00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,527
Okay, then. Have fun, sweetheart.

242
00:13:38,569 --> 00:13:40,112
Thanks, Daddy!

243
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:42,531
Brian, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck.

244
00:13:42,573 --> 00:13:47,160
The only stuff I could get on such short
notice was a cake and that big-ass pi�ata.

245
00:13:47,828 --> 00:13:49,913
I sure hope candy comes out of that.

246
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:54,543
Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father,
a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser.

247
00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:56,211
I'll never be able to face Lois.

248
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:59,381
The circus is in town.
Maybe you could run away and join it.

249
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:00,299
The circus!

250
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,201
Hi. This is the right day, isn't it?

251
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:30,162
Oh, yes. Peter should be back any minute...

252
00:14:30,204 --> 00:14:33,081
...and then we can start the party, I hope.

253
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,962
Hey, Lois, look.
The two symbols of the Republican party...

254
00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:43,634
...an elephant and a big fat white guy
who's threatened by change.

255
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:48,222
Peter, this is the most wonderful
celebration I could have imagined.

256
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:49,348
Yeah. Where's Stewie?

257
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,683
He's upstairs, resting up for his big day.

258
00:15:01,693 --> 00:15:05,030
I'll get him. If you see Meg,
tell her to take plenty of pictures.

259
00:15:05,072 --> 00:15:07,324
Meg's not here.
She went to a friend's house.

260
00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:09,576
What?
She's gonna miss Stewie's birthday.

261
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:12,830
I dropped her off an hour ago.
Boy, is she gonna be sorry, or what?

262
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:15,958
Peter. How could you let her go?

263
00:15:15,999 --> 00:15:18,377
What's the big deal?
So Meg's with her new friends.

264
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,878
They seemed like some nice kids.

265
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:26,385
I'm glad you could join us.
We're gonna have a great time on our trip.

266
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,346
A trip? Like to the beach?
Because I didn't bring my swimsuit.

267
00:15:29,388 --> 00:15:31,473
You won't need anything
where we're going.

268
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,517
Excuse me. I've gotta go mix the punch.

269
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:59,251
Birthday dude?
Do you want some ice cream?

270
00:15:59,293 --> 00:16:03,881
Yes. But no sprinkles!
For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you!

271
00:16:04,965 --> 00:16:07,676
Come on, Lois. I hate to see you so upset.

272
00:16:07,718 --> 00:16:09,136
We got animals. We got clowns.

273
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:12,848
I mean, a party couldn't be any better
if Jesus himself showed up.

274
00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:18,312
Okay, everybody. For my next miracle,
I'm gonna turn water into funk.

275
00:16:23,108 --> 00:16:27,905
Peter, the circus is terrific.
But it's not just Stewie's birthday.

276
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:31,033
We're also celebrating the day
our family became whole.

277
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:33,702
Today means nothing if Meg isn't here.

278
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,752
Meg, you seem sad. Today's a happy day.

279
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:45,672
I know. It's just that
I really like that guy over there.

280
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:49,968
But he doesn't even know I exist.
He must think I'm a total dog.

281
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,762
That is so not true.

282
00:16:51,887 --> 00:16:52,804
Then what is it?

283
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:54,348
- He's a eunuch.
- Really?

284
00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:56,683
Sure. All the guys here
have been castrated.

285
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:57,726
It's cool.

286
00:16:57,768 --> 00:16:59,561
- Do you think that girl is hot?
- No.

287
00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:00,646
Me neither.

288
00:17:04,566 --> 00:17:06,235
Hey, you. Hit me.

289
00:17:06,318 --> 00:17:10,072
There. Now, if I can just find a midget
with some gin, I'll be in business.

290
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,156
Where are you off to?

291
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:14,660
I gotta make things right for Lois
and get this monkey off my back.

292
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,079
Ow! Knock it off!

293
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:21,375
All right, men, the man in white
is coming to put me back in the womb.

294
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:24,920
Today he comes for me,
but tomorrow it could be you or you!

295
00:17:25,379 --> 00:17:28,674
I offer you the opportunity to join me
in glorious battle.

296
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:31,844
I know that for some of you,
your motor skills are not developed.

297
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,804
Sadly, you will be used as decoys.

298
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:37,641
But your children's children
will know that you fell for a noble cause.

299
00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,059
Now, who's with me?

300
00:17:39,101 --> 00:17:40,018
Duckie?

301
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:42,354
Useless, every one of you! Fine.

302
00:17:42,396 --> 00:17:45,649
I'll defend myself,
and the hell with all of you!

303
00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:49,486
There, I've gone and soiled myself.
Are you happy now?

304
00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:55,117
Our leader is here
to take us on our journey!

305
00:17:55,409 --> 00:17:59,580
My children, rejoice. The hour
of transformation is close at hand.

306
00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:01,623
Who are you?

307
00:18:01,707 --> 00:18:04,418
This is Meg, wise one.
Can she come with us?

308
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:07,296
Perhaps. Do you have a mind
that seeks enlightenment...

309
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,047
...and a heart that seeks purity?

310
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:10,966
Not really.

311
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:14,344
Okay. Are you a confused adolescent
desperately seeking acceptance...

312
00:18:14,386 --> 00:18:17,222
...from an undifferentiated ego mass
that demands conformity?

313
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,266
Wow, that sort of sounds more like me.

314
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:22,936
Great! Then all you need is
a dark-blue jogging suit.

315
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,646
Let's see what we have in stock.

316
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,273
What are you? About a 9?

317
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,192
No. A 6.

318
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:33,155
Right. Dispense the refreshments.

319
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,242
Meg, there you are.

320
00:18:37,326 --> 00:18:40,871
Dad, what are you doing here?
I'm so embarrassed, I could die!

321
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,456
Not before the rest of us!

322
00:18:42,498 --> 00:18:44,958
Meg, your mother wants
the family together today.

323
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:48,337
It's just Stewie's birthday.
So what if I'm not there?

324
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:49,421
Who's gonna remember?

325
00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:51,965
Your mom will, trust me.
She remembers everything.

326
00:18:52,007 --> 00:18:55,886
In fact, she always says the best memories
she has are when you kids were born.

327
00:18:55,928 --> 00:19:00,307
Meg, that's it. This day is more
for your mom than it is for Stewie.

328
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:03,435
With all she's given us,
she oughta get whatever she wants.

329
00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:06,647
And, Meg, today she wants you
to be with the family.

330
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:07,648
Really?

331
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:11,777
Daddy, you must think
I'm the worst daughter ever.

332
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:15,280
No you're not, honey.
What about that fat girl from the Judds?

333
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:17,282
I'm sorry I've been so selfish.

334
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,910
I miss my mom.
Me, too.

335
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,453
I also miss my nads.

336
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:23,831
Mr. Griffin, can we come
to Stewie's party, too?

337
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,249
Sure. The more the merrier.

338
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,417
Meg, you have the coolest family.

339
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:28,669
She sure does.

340
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:30,379
Here's to family!

341
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,797
To family!

342
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:35,092
Jeez, look at the time! Come on.

343
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:37,511
Come on, kids. Let's get going.

344
00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:40,556
Sorry, Meg.

345
00:19:40,722 --> 00:19:43,308
It's another bunch of people
that'd rather fake death...

346
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,643
...than go to a party with you.

347
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:47,729
Children, the time of ascension has arrived.

348
00:19:48,397 --> 00:19:53,193
For the love of God. Haven't any of you
ever been in a cult before?

349
00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:56,071
Damn it!
I can't achieve transcendence by myself.

350
00:19:56,113 --> 00:19:58,907
That would just make me
some kind of lone nut.

351
00:19:58,949 --> 00:20:01,201
Somebody's got to die with me.

352
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:05,080
Come back, Meg!

353
00:20:05,122 --> 00:20:08,250
Whoops. Can't forget
my ceremonial white robe.

354
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,673
I guess there's nothing left
but the birthday cake.

355
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:15,632
Right here!

356
00:20:15,716 --> 00:20:16,758
Meg!

357
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,385
I'm sorry, Mom.

358
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:20,470
Thank you, Peter.

359
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:23,182
No problem.
I cannot wait to taste this cake.

360
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:26,059
The guy who sold it to me
said it was delicious and erotic.

361
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:28,020
Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.

362
00:20:28,061 --> 00:20:29,354
There were only two left.

363
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:33,901
And trust me, you did not want the one
of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples.

364
00:20:34,026 --> 00:20:37,779
Gather round, everyone.
It's time for Stewie's big moment.

365
00:20:42,993 --> 00:20:44,578
Hello?

366
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:46,455
Is anybody home?

367
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,922
Greetings, man in white.
I've been expecting you.

368
00:20:54,963 --> 00:20:55,964
Who said that?

369
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:57,883
Peek-a-boo! I see you!

370
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,802
You're getting warmer.

371
00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:04,264
Where are you? What do you want?

372
00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:05,974
Freedom! What do you want?

373
00:21:06,016 --> 00:21:07,768
I want to get the hell out of here!

374
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:12,940
I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that.
I'm afraid all that's left is untimely death.

375
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,694
What the hell is this?

376
00:21:18,153 --> 00:21:19,613
It's a boy!

377
00:21:21,949 --> 00:21:23,158
Anybody seen Stewie?

378
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,285
Yeah. Where is the birthday boy?

379
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:26,787
Victory is mine!

380
00:21:26,829 --> 00:21:29,498
Yes. And this cake is yours, too.

381
00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:33,544
Stewie, make a wish.
If you blow out the candle, it'll come true.

382
00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:37,506
That's right, little buddy. What do you
want most in the whole world?

383
00:21:37,548 --> 00:21:39,633
In the whole world, you say?

384
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:44,847
What the hell.



9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net